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Are you genuinely happy? I certainly hope you are. There are plenty of low, crappy points in our life that we would’ve liked to avoid. But we didn’t. And hopefully we learned. I hate to break it to ya, but there will be plenty more times that we will have to face things that we don’t want to face. Poopy. Does happiness depend on what’s going on around us, or what’s going on in our own mind? Many of us believe that other people and things “make” us happy, and that we have to do stuff that makes us happy. Sure, doing stuff like eating chocolate, hanging out with friends, and playing games make us feel good during those moments.? Maybe you’re in a relationship and aren’t exactly as “happy” as you though you would be. But I can help you change that right now.

Many people argue that the things that happen in life affect your feelings. You might be surrounded by destructive people who don’t make you feel happy, or you might have wonderful friends and family who make you feel happy when you are around them and when you think about them. Think about what makes you happy. Really think about it. What makes you happy?

We seem to have a habit of placing events on our feelings and allow them to guide us. Or sometimes we label events with feelings. For example, a common belief is “if I win the lottery, then I’ll be happy.” Or, “I’ll be happy when I retire from work.” “I’ll be happy when…” We relate feelings to events and events to feelings a little too much. Instead of letting events and things control the way you feel and allowing them to control the direction of your life, how would you feel about turning this all around and controlling your own feelings so that you have the power to make yourself happy? Well in case you didn’t know, you do have the power to make yourself happy. All the time. It involves getting out of your comfort zone. I know, many of us don’t like to hear that, but try it and you’ll be surprised at the power you can harness that you didn’t even know you had.

Detach conditions to your happiness and peace

A lot of people who do end up with fame and fortune find out that they are still not truly happy. Just look at many of the actors right now. Lindsay Lohan ended up in jail, who knows what the deal is with Mel Gibson, and look at the shallow life of Paris Hilton. It’s all over the news how this actor did this or that, and how they abuse drugs and alcohol. Proof that even though they have a lot of money and fame, they really are not happy. So instead of attaching conditions to your happiness, or any of your feelings, appreciate everything you have going on in your life right now. Think about how great you have it, and think about how much fortunate you are than a lot of people, including celebrities. It’s a humbling thought. If you think about that all the time, you will start to appreciate what you have in your life and not take it for granted.

No one and nothing can make you happy

You might be in a relationship that is going very well. You’re not fighting, everybody’s getting along, you’re living at peace, and you love each other. I used to think that when I was in that situation that I was truly happy and that as long as everything keeps going well between us, I’ll continue to be truly happy. But then you realize that at some point, there is going to be disagreement in that relationship. Uh-oh, there goes your happiness, right? Wrong. Even when you’re at the peak of your anger in the heat of an argument or you going through a long bout of disconnection, at that point it’s not about “feeling good.” When we face situations like this, the first thing we want to do is get out. We want to avoid what is making us feel crappy. But instead of doing this, it’s better to face our feelings and realize that this isn’t the last time we’re going to face disagreements. But even during these times, always think about the reason you are in this relationship and the reason you love this person. This way, you are looking underneath those negative feelings and resurfacing the true happiness that you still have.

We are all responsible for ourselves. That means that we have to make the blatant choice to be happy nor not to be happy. When we face bad situations, like not getting along with people, the car breaking down, and getting cut off in traffic, if you’ve already made the choice to be happy then you can react better to these situations. You will realize these are just temporary situations, and they shouldn’t control your feelings. Instead, you control your feelings.

It is you who decides how to react to outside situations

How many of us at times get so offended when someone calls us a @!#$% or a #*&% or, oh no…gasp…a !*%$&#. :p Why do we get so offended when people just call us “words?” When we are children we learn to take things personally. When we’re young and in elementary school we realize that it’s a pretty mean world out there. Kids call each other names and we used to get so offended by that. If someone called you a cheeseburger right now, how would you react? If someone was angry at you and they said, “yoouuuu cheeseburger!” I’d imagine that you’d chuckle a little bit. Why? Well because you know that are you not a cheeseburger. If someone calls you a !@#$ or a !&%^, then why should you get hurt because you know you are not that. Think of things from this perspective, next time someone calls you a bad name, pretend they just called you a cheeseburger or a fiddlestick. Now you have control of the situation and how you react to things.

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No matter what situation you’re in take step back and decide how you can better react. Always remember that you are in control of your feelings, well-being, your actions, and your life. Though some things come our way that we can’t control, we can still control how things turn out. This is a pretty big responsibility if you think about it. Hopefully you make the best of this responsibility because when we do, we are on the right track to self-improvement.

What do you think?

Do you believe happiness is a choice? Or do you believe we are happy based on events in our lives?