Why Being Sad or Depressed is a Sign of Selfishness
By
in
This could go two ways; one is that people will read the title and think, “what a jerk for someone thinking such thing, and having no consideration for others!” And the other is that people will think, “hmm, that’s a good point; maybe depression sufferers can get out of their depression.” Either way, here is what I have to say about it. There are a few people who may be truly depressed because of a chemical inbalance in the brain, but I think most people are depressed because they choose to be depressed. If you are depressed or think you may be depressed, this post may be able to give you a little insight. I am by no means a psychologist or psychiatrist, nor am I saying reading this post will cure your depression. I also don’t have anything against depressed people. Seek help if you’re depressed, or seek help for someone you know is depressed. But there may be more to depression than just being sad.
When we forget the real reason we are living for, the worldliness of life becomes like quicksand that sucks you into a spiritual vacuum. When that happens, we live less and less; we merely stay alive.
-Shian
Are you depressed because of something that happened, or because you chose to be depressed? Some of us face some pretty big stuff. We lose loved ones, maybe you lost a job, or maybe you’re growing apart from someone. But we all face these terrible events. So why is it that some people go in with their lives and are completely happy, and why do others fall into a bout of depression?
It is challenging to face our feelings
Boy is it hard to face certain facts in our lives. It’s hard to face the fact that we lose loved ones and that bad things happen. It is also difficult for some people to give money to charity. It might be difficult to get up from what you’re doing and do a favor for someone who asked because you just don’t want to. I think we can agree that these are signs of selfishness. We’re all a little selfish from time to time, but some people are very selfish. Not wanting to face facts like the rest of us is also a sign of selfishness. It’s nothing more than avoiding work, just like avoiding doing a favor for someone in order to not do work. An unselfish person helps others out when in need (or not in need), gives money to charity, and steps out of their comfort zone to do something challenging. Facing hard facts and feelings is no different. Some people fall into depression because they simply want to avoid facing those hard feelings and getting over them, but instead become depressed so that others tend to them. There is a difference between mourning a loss and getting over it, and mourning a loss and not getting over the hump to get on with your life. Some people choose not to take that giant step.
Depression can be an excuse to get out of pretty much anything
People suffering from depression now have the excuse to get out of doing other things, so that the focus can now be turned to them. Some depressed people think that they don’t have to go to work, help others in need, or get out of bed and face the world. It’s much easier to sulk in your feelings and look like the victim so that other people can tend to you, rather than you having to tend to other people. Depression causes a person to dwell on him or herself constantly. All of their thoughts are directed on the self. So the excuses created by depression is a sign of selfishness. It’s also much easier to answer ‘no’ or ‘I can’t’ to anything you don’t want to do because of depression or sadness.
Some people may be dissatisfied with themselves and so they fall into depression. Or maybe they lack confidence. Depression can be an excuse to not have to be confident. Our society is so focused on ‘feeling good’ all the time and to focus on ourselves. Society’s view on focusing on oneself is for selfish reasons. But hopefully we can learn to focus on ourselves for a different reason; that is to improve ourselves by being more giving and realizing what causes us to run into obstacles. This leads me to say that
Being sad or depressed leaves little room for growth and good feelings
Sometimes when I’m hurt about something that someone did or said, and it causes me to be sad, I start thinking about all the wrong the other person did and how they hurt me. I basically turn the focus on myself, and I also realize that I was the one who chose this. By constantly realizing this, it helps me to redirect my thoughts and feelings so that I can choose to let go of the hurt and be happy. When I was a little bit sad, I realize that that was the only feeling that filled me up completely. There was no room for other feelings. That means there was no room for growth, for giving, or for happiness. All because I chose to hold on to that sadness out selfishness. As soon as I realized what was going on, I figured the best thing to do was to make room for better feelings. And so this helped me to let go of sadness and make room for growth and giving and just being a lively person to be around.
Another thing I realized was that being sad wasted my time. I could have been putting my time and energy to doing good things like volunteering or helping my friends and family who might have been in need. But instead I directed my time towards myself. But once again, I like to try and let go of those feelings as much as I can so that my time and energy can go towards doing good things for other people. Selflessness leads to growth, and hopefully that’s what we all want to do!
So when you feel sad or depressed, get rid of the “I can’t do anything” and “life sucks” and instead pick a good phrase. Hopefully you have an uplifting phrase that you picked and stick by all the time, such as “I can accomplish anything!” or “my life is wonderful!” It’s funny how when you repeat things over and over again, they become truer and truer. Another great thing to do when you are feeling blue is give, give, give! By giving to others, you are not only shifting your focus from yourself to others as a selfless act, you in turn feel good knowing that you are helping others. This replaces your depression or sadness.
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Again, this post is not meant to look down on anyone, or blame sad or depressed people for anything. It’s meant merely to point out different perspective that perhaps might help those who are sad or depressed. Hopefully it helps us to change our way of thinking when we face difficult situations. If you or someone you know is truly depressed, do seek professional help. But hopefully this gives people a new light on sadness and how by trying to be more giving and focusing on improving yourself, you might avoid sadness or depression in the first place, while at the same time growing as a person and helping those around you.
Gabe: Depression is a touchy subject – but one that should be addressed. I find it particularly dangerous that “everyone” is diagnosed as depressed, given psychotropic drugs that have side -effects including thoughts of severe violence, suicide and extreme nightmares…and this is for the kids formula.
Personally, I must say that I haven’t experienced depression, beyond the basic things we face in life, so I can’t relate 100%. I will say, however, that anyone who is experiencing it needs to get it addressed – and I’m not suggesting any form of medication; unless all natural.
Nicely presented perspective, Gabe!
Thanks Jk. I, too, find it best to fight depression as naturally as possible. I’m usually all about natural ways to doing things since drugs and other non-natural methods can have harmful side-effects like you said.
Recently I had allowed myself to be pulled into such sad state. One reason that made me snap out of it was realising that the whole world is not just about me alone. This realisation came about when i learnt of a miscarriage and another mother making effort to be optimistic despite her son’s hospitalisation. When others with more pressing issues can move on, I certainly had no excuse to be wallowing in self-pity. Talking about natural prevention- I try increase vit B complex as depression runs in the family.
Sorry to hear about what you went through. I myself have gone through bouts of sadness but then I realized that there is so much more to life, and that helped me get over that sadness. It’s always good to surround yourself with people who will push you into happiness.
Gabe,
No doubt this can be a touchy subject for people. As somebody who has had a bout of depression myself and someone who dated a girl who was battling depression, I happen to agree with you completely. My depression was largely self created. Even Eckhart Tolle talks about the fact that human suffering is largely self created. I think once we learn to stop “thinking” so damn much and learn to quiet the mind a bit, depression starts to go.
You’re right that in depression you’re in a very “me” focused world. Everything becomes about you and this is largely a function of the ego and it’s need to feel useful. Once you are no longer depressed, anxiety ridden, etc, etc the ego finds it has nothing to do so it has to create illusion in order to hang onto its existence.
Yes I agree that we can all learn to quiet our minds. We have a lot more control over our minds than we think. We just have to realize that there’s a life that we need to live and help others to do the same.
I’m one of those who must have medications to handle my depression. Without them, I fall into an abyss where it’s extremely difficult to focus, think clearly or think in a positive manner. However, I also understand that it is my responsibility to see my doctor regularly and when symptoms arise. For me, medication makes my thinking ameanable to therapy so i can address my negative thoughts. I also stay on track with a regular sleep pattern, moderate excercise and a healthy diet. It’s far from perfect; I occasionally have panic attacks, and still have days when I use breathing excercises in stressful work situations. But, its a journey and one I intend to keep traveling on.
I think this author is completely entitled to his opinion, and, some of his points are valid; especially those addressed to those who do not seek care for their illness, and depression is an illness. However, I cannot stress enough that many, many of those with diagnosed clinical depression will not have a positive future without the aid of a properly diagnosed and administered medication plan.
Thanks for sharing Alma. I do realize that there are a lot of people who need medication, and also that they may not have much control over their depression. In that case, it is most definitely important to see a doctor and get help right away. Good points here, Alma!