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Many of us are accused of being “close-minded” from time to time about various things while we might think that we are “open-minded” all the time. What does open or close minded really mean? If you’re open-minded it could mean that you’re open to new possibilities in situations. It could also mean that you are a person who doesn’t judge a person or situation without listening to all parts of the story. Sometimes we’re close-minded when we refuse to hear someone else’s point of view, or when we refuse to gather more information on a subject that we are adamant about knowing everything in that situation. A big way that some of us are close-minded is by being a prisoner to our own feelings.? In fact, I believe that is the biggest way that we are sometimes close-minded. Part of wanting to improve ourselves involves opening our minds and hearts to new possibilities and knowledge or perhaps the truth…
So what does being a prisoner, or being “loyal” to your feelings mean? Say you hear something about someone (good or bad) and you’ve never met the person in your life. You’re talking to your sister (or friend, or anybody) and she describes this person (let’s call her Jill) as, let’s say, psychotic, jealous, maybe controlling and demanding. So even though you’ve never met Jill you might think that she indeed has these traits. You know put some of your emotions towards her and they’re not very good. So when you do meet her for the first time, you already “know” what she’s like. But then funny thing, she ends up being a very nice, down-to-earth, has a good head on her shoulder type of person. She’s outgoing, positive, and has a strong sense of self. But you since you already invested some of your emotions into your perception of her, you still assume she’s jealous, psychotic, etc. You have just become a prisoner of your own feelings. And now your feelings might be controlling your way of thinking and acting. We’ve all been here before, including myself. But here is what I realized; being free from prison makes you open to the world; literally and figuratively. I guess it’s not a realization when it’s common sense.

By no means am I saying you should ignore, suppress, or fight your feelings. Being free from your feelings simply means not letting them control you.

Investing in something involves risk

By investing your feelings in a similar situation I described above or any other situation, you are taking a risk. Just like when you invest your money in the stock market, you risk losing some or all of that money. Similarly, when you invest your feelings in someone or something, it’s like giving your feelings to a “stock.” Those feelings will either grow if your perception is right, or you will lose the investment if your perception is wrong. Except in this case when you invest your feelings in someone you or a situation you don’t know about, you are taking too big a risk. Kind of like putting your money into stock without knowing any bit of history or present cycles.

So how do you avoid putting too much risk into a situation or person, while reducing your chance of becoming imprisoned by your feelings? Go into a situation assuming you heard nothing from no one. Let go of the expectations. It’s not worth the investment until you gain more knowledge. With knowledge, at least you now have a better idea if the investment will be worth it. And you will truly have a open mind, which helps you to be open to more knowledge and more possibilities.

A lot of things in life involve taking risks. I’m not saying to not take any risks. I am saying that when you do take risks, try to learn more about the risk you are taking and incorporate your common sense.

Close-mindedness leads to stubbornness

I guess some of us would just like to hold on to our stubbornness and and stay close-minded since it’s sort of a “security blanket” and “comfort zone.” But after all, this is a self-improvement blog, and wanting to improve your life and your person involves stepping out of that comfort zone every once in a while.

Letting your feelings govern your ways leads to close-mindedness, which leads to being stubborn. When we’re stubborn, we close our minds and follow our feelings. It’s a vicious cycle. :/ It’s time to break that cycle. How do you break this cycle?

• Realize that it’s OK to lose. Winning isn’t everything. So you find out that your initial perception about somebody was completely wrong once you got to know them. Or you found out that that fact that you’ve told 2/3 of the world’s population was in fact wrong. Oh well. Let it go and move on! Realize your mistake and learn from it. Maybe you found out that you need to learn more about situations or people before making that initial investment. I have witnessed the downfall of people I love because they invested their (negative) feelings in a person that I happen to be OK with and get along with. I was scolded for not going along with their feelings and now they have negative feelings towards this person without knowing her. We sometimes put a lot of our resources into a stock that happens to not do so well. Their stock didn’t well because their perception was false, therefore their invested feelings went to waste, you could say. That’s OK. If you’re in that situation, simply let go and move on to a better “stock.”
• Think like a child. Humility is a very powerful thing. I could go into another post about the power of humility (and I will ). Let’s take the situation discussed earlier; a friend told you about a person (let’s call him Jack) they met, or didn’t meet. What would you do if you were an innocent child? You would listen, but then you’d soon let go of those things that your friend said about Jack and just wait and see what Jack is really like. So you go out with friends and you meet Jack. What would a child do then? Simply meet the person with no pre-judgments or perceptions in mind. A child just goes with the flow. So be humble and go with the flow in any situation like a child. You will be surprised at how liberating this is, especially when you think about how free-spirited a child is.
• Don’t be loyal to your feelings. Sometimes we cling to our feelings and then feel like we have to be loyal with them. This leads to possibly supporting something that is not right. Like if you support a group that you didn’t know much about because a friend told you about it. Your feelings might say that you should follow this group, support it, and be as much as part of it as possible. You might find out that there is something unethical about that group, or they are really supporting some things that go against your values. If you are loyal to your initial feelings, you might be caught up in the group while knowing that they are supporting some not so good things. This might lead to an “ignorance is bliss” mentality so you close your mind to other things about the group – leading to close-mindedness and a stubbornness to stay. Funny how things connect to themselves. So you don’t have be loyal to those feelings. Again, you learn and move on! This way, you still allow your feelings to come, but you control them, not the other way around.
• Stop caring about what other people think. The reason I think people are so loyal to their feelings is because they care about what other people think. Caring too much about what others think leads to closing up your mind and gives it sort of a “tunnel vision” because you are only doing things to try to please other people, even if it’s wrong, rather than keeping your mind open to other possibilities. People are afraid of sticking with their values when it becomes inconvenient. Stick with your values through thick and thing. When you stop caring about what other people think and do things based on knowledge and possibilities, those people might not like what you are doing. They might be angry or upset. As long as you know what you did was right, that’s all that really matters. This connects with thinking like a child; children do things without really caring what others think about it. And this leads to being more a free-spirit and going with the flow of things and not being loyal to your feelings and letting them control you. You’ll then realize that during the times you might have made a mistake or invested your feelings in something and lost that investment, you will have a much easier time moving on.

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I encourage you to free yourself by thinking like a child and realizing that it’s OK to be wrong about situations. If you’re a prisoner of your feelings, you have the key right in your hand…let yourself out and enjoy the freedom!